Cleft Compass

Move from fear, worry and emotional overwhelm into clarity, self-trust and more empowered parenting, at any stage of your child’s cleft journey.

Welcome to Cleft Compass.

This is a deeper, more specific programme for parents of children or adults born with a cleft who are ready to understand the four emotions that can quietly shape the parenting experience of raising a child who was born with a cleft.

Grief.
Guilt.
Anger.
Fear.

The big four.

The ones that can sit in the background from diagnosis onwards and can appear during pregnancy, around birth, feeding, surgery, speech, school, comments, photographs, mirrors, appointments, social situations, the teenage years and all the unknowns in between.

The emotions that can make you feel like you are not coping, aren't doing enough, aren't being positive enough, aren't strong enough, aren't prepared enough, or aren't calm enough.

And plaese know Cleft Compass is not about becoming endlessly calm. It is not about pretending everything is fine or forcing positivity in places and spaces where you actually need compassion.

This is about learning how to recognise what is happening inside you.

Gently and truthfully with more understanding, self-trust, and far less shame.

Because the way you feel matters - not because you are doing it wrong. Because the emotional atmosphere around your child is shaped not only by what you say but also by what your body is carrying.

First, let’s be really clear: how is Cleft Compass different from Rooted & Resilient?

Rooted & Resilient is the gentle first step.

It helps you begin to understand the emotional and nervous-system side of cleft parenting.

Cleft Compass is the deeper next step.

Cleft Compass takes you into the emotional terrain itself.

This is where we look closely at the four emotions that so often shape the cleft parenting journey, often without our awareness:

Grief. Guilt. Anger. Fear.

These are not emotions to get rid of and they are not proof that you are failing or not good enough. They are important parts of your inner world that need to be understood, softened, listened to and integrated.

So, in simple terms:

Rooted & Resilient -

Helps you understand what happened inside you.

Is the beginning

Helps you build awareness

Helps you feel less alone in your body response

Cleft Compass -

Helps you navigate what is still moving inside you.

Is the map.

Helps you work with and understand the four emotions more directly.

Helps you recognise how grief, guilt, anger and fear may be influencing how you parent, decide, advocate, protect, reassure and respond.

Both are trauma-informed and rooted in compassion, but they are not the same.

Cleft Compass is for the parent who is ready to say:

“I can see now that cleft has impacted me too. I am ready to understand these emotions more deeply, so they do not unconsciously run my parenting.”

The cleft parenting experience can be beautiful.

And it can also be a lot.

You can adore your child, be deeply grateful for the care they receive. Be proud of them and see their beauty, their strength, their humour, their spirit, their whole glorious self.

And you can still feel grief, guilt, fear and anger.

Both things can be true and this is the part that so many parents struggle with.

Because when you love your child so much, it can feel awful to admit that parts of the journey have been painful.

So you push it down, get practical, research, prepare, organise, keep smiling. You say 'we're fine,' and tell everyone how amazing your child is.

And they ARE.

But somewhere inside, another part of you may still be holding the shock, the fear, the questions, the sadness, the helplessness, the guilt, the anger and the quiet ache of everything you were not prepared for.

Cleft Compass is where those parts of you get to be met.

Not judged. Not rushed. Not told to be grateful.

Met.

Inside Cleft Compass, we are not trying to get rid of your emotions.

You are not going to finish this programme and never feel grief, guilt, anger or fear again. The goal is not emotional perfection, and I would not want it to be.

The goal is emotional relationship.

To understand what these emotions are trying to show you and recognise how they feel in your body.

To notice when they are taking over and separate who you are from what you feel.

To create more space between the trigger and the reaction and to begin making choices from an empowered place, rather than from panic, guilt, fear or old conditioning.

This is how we move from:

“This is happening to me.”

to:

“I can meet this with more awareness, support and choice.”

That shift alone can and will change everything.

This is for you if

You love your child deeply, but you sometimes lie awake worrying about their future.
You find yourself thinking, “I just want to do this right,” but you are not always sure what “right” even means.
You feel guilty, even though logically you know you did not cause your child’s cleft.
You feel grief around the pregnancy, birth, feeding journey, surgeries, photographs, first smile, or the version of early motherhood you imagined.
You feel anger at the lack of emotional support, the endless appointments, the comments, the systems, the waiting, the pressure, the things your child has had to face.
You feel fear around surgery, speech, school, bullying, mirrors, self-image, social media, teenage years, dating, friendships or how your child will feel about themselves.
You sometimes go into overdrive trying to control the practical things because cleft was something you could not control.
You reassure your child they are beautiful, wonderful and loved, but part of you worries that this may not be enough when the world gets loud.
You compare yourself to other parents and think they all seem to be coping better than you.
You are tired of being told to stay positive when what you really need is a safe place to be honest.
You know you do not want to parent from fear.
You want to parent from connection, clarity, self-trust, emotional honesty, and from a body that has more space to breathe.

Whether you are feeling all of the above, or only some of them, this is a space for you.

Why this approach is different

Most support begins with your child.

This begins with you.

Not because your child isn't your priority, of course they are.

But because the way you feel has an enormous impact on how you experience this journey together. The way you feel sets the tone in your home.

When you begin to understand your nervous system, notice your patterns and create more emotional safety for yourself, you naturally become a centered anchor for your child.

Not perfect. Present.

And that changes more than you might realise, for both of you.

Meet your guide

Hey, I'm Katie

I am a mum, artist, trauma-informed coach and educator.

My first child was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate, and my husband was also born with a cleft.

So this work is not theoretical for me.

It is lived, personal, and woven through my motherhood, my family, my art, my coaching and the way I understand identity, belonging and emotional safety.

When cleft entered my parenting story, I did not fully understand what was happening inside me.

I loved my baby completely.

And I was also scared.

I felt guilt, grief and shock. I felt the need to keep going.

I wanted to do everything right so I researched, prepared, pushed through and I told myself things would feel easier after:

The next stage.

The next appointment.

The next surgery.

The next milestone.

But the truth is, the worries did not simply disappear.

They changed shape.

Over time, I began to understand that my body had been holding far more than I realised. And I started to see how unprocessed fear, grief, guilt and anger can quietly influence the way we parent.

Not because we do not love our children - Because we love them so much.

And when love gets tangled with fear, it can become control.

When love gets tangled with guilt, it can become overcompensation.

When love gets tangled with grief, it can become avoidance.

When love gets tangled with anger, it can become exhaustion.

I created Cleft Compass because I want parents to understand this earlier.

With compassion.

With education.

With practical tools.

With no shame.

I want parents to know that their emotional world matters too.

And I want children born with a cleft to grow up with parents who can hold the full humanity of the journey.

Not just the brave parts.

Not just the beautiful parts.

Not just the medical parts.

All of it. Because all of it matters.

Imagine approaching this journey differently

Imagine understanding why certain moments on the cleft journey affect you so deeply.

Imagine knowing what to do when guilt rises.

Imagine being able to feel fear without letting it take over the whole room.

Imagine recognising grief without judging yourself for it.

Imagine listening to anger without being consumed by it.

Imagine feeling more steady before appointments or surgery.

Imagine being able to support your child through hard conversations without panicking inside.

Imagine trusting yourself more.

Imagine feeling less alone in the emotional complexity of cleft parenting.

Imagine being able to say:

I am not broken.

I am not failing.

I am learning.

I am becoming more aware.

I am allowed to support myself too.

That is what Cleft Compass is here for.

What you'll receive

Inside Cleft Compass you'll receive:

The full Cleft Compass self-paced programme
A guided programme to help you understand and integrate grief, guilt, anger and fear on your cleft parenting journey.
You can complete it in order, or begin with the emotion that feels most present for you.
A self-guided meditation
A gentle meditation to support you in transforming disempowering emotions into guidance.
Use this when you feel overwhelmed, stuck, reactive or unsure what is moving inside you.
The Mind Flexibility Toolbox
A set of tools to help you develop more nervous-system flexibility.
These are practical resources you can return to when your body feels activated, shut down, fearful, guilty, angry or flooded.
Journaling prompts for each emotion
Reflective prompts to help you explore grief, guilt, anger and fear with curiosity and compassion.
No overthinking required.
No perfect answers.
Just honest noticing.
Body and mind support guidance
Gentle guidance to help you support your body as you move through emotional work.
Because this is not just mindset.
It is body work too.
And the body deserves care.

Why this matters for your child

Your child does not need a perfect parent - Let us all unclench immediately.

Your child needs a parent who is willing to become aware.

A parent who can:

Repair

Notice when fear is driving.

Support their child without making the child responsible for soothing the parent’s worry.

Hold space for the hard moments without rushing in to paint everything bright yellow.

A parent who can say:

Yes, this might be hard.

Yes, you are allowed to feel what you feel.

Yes, you are still whole.

Yes, I am here.

When you begin to understand your own grief, guilt, anger and fear, you create more space for your child to have their own experience.

Not the experience you fear, the experience you project, the experience the world has conditioned you to expect.

Their own.

That is powerful - the kind of powerful that changes families from the inside out.

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